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Ed
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911 Emergency

Permalink 07/11/08 at 06:07:28 am, by Ed, 361 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I called 911 for the first time ever last night...

in my dream.

You see, I was in a jewelry shop in the Mall of America, (more of a jewelry counter than a whole shop) and I was about to start walking along the counter to browse, but in the first section, I saw both of the necklaces that I wear sitting in there (note: I only wear one necklace).

I made a comment about it, and wondered if I could get mine cleaned and resharpened. They asked me where I was from. I began telling them my address, and they said, something along the lines of, "no, I don't need that." I asked him why they needed to know where I was from then, but he wouldn't answer me. I asked a few more times, getting more annoyed each iteration, but he just wouldn't give me the answer.

Finally, I picked up a chair outside the shop, and said, "you better tell me, buddy." At this point, I faked a move to break the glass on the outside of the jewelry shop (not the counters themselves) but didn't stop myself in time and the glass shattered.

The guy, at this point, was more than a bit miffed with me. So he took the only natural course of action: He picked one of the shards of glass, grasped it tightly, cutting his hand, and stabbed himself in the chest. He then removed it, and in slow motion, I pulled out my cell-phone as he stabbed my mom in the chest just when I called 911.

"911"
"I have an emergency"
"..."
"There's been a break-in at the jewelry store in the mall of america and two people have been stabbed"
"O.K."

They must want a quick turnover at the call center or something. There was much racing around the mall, and Quagmire showed up with a "Nazi Tan" (a tan in the shape of a swastika... don't ask), and I don't think the ambulance ever came while I was there.

At least I got it over with. Now I can feel confident calling 911 in the future. It won't be my first time any more.

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