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Humanity: Give up now

Permalink 01/07/09 at 06:57:33 am, by Ed, 426 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Media

God, as I'm sure we all presume to know, created everything, yes? He created light. Good thing, too, because I hate it when I bump my shin in the middle of the night. Imagine doing that all the time!

He proceeded to create heaven, and earth, and gave it form. Then he cried to make every child feel terrible about whatever it is they're doing, and the oceans filled up. Seriously, God must have been the absolute worst baby. I mean who cries for forty days and forty nights straight?

Then He made scriggly little things to annoy you at your picnic. He created cows and jellyfish, and they pretty much went at it to make all the other animals.

After some figuring, he finally came up with an idea: Sentience. So he made man, who was immediately just as bad a baby as God was, and whined about being lonely, so, as the joke goes, he asked God for somebody who's loving, and caring, and gives him foot massages when it hurts. God replied, "Okay, but it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg."

"Ehh... What can I get for a rib?" was man's reply.

So now we have man and woman. At this point, being omniscient, God already knew it was not going to work out. He must have, because he stuck this giant tree like ten feet from Adam's front door, for everybody to see, and said, "Don't touch it."

Now why, being omniscient, would anybody give you temptation, and tell you not to resist temptation, knowing full well (being omniscient and all) that you could not?

Because he didn't like where it was going, that's why. It's just a rough draft. He learned from these mistakes (if you can call them mistakes. Perhaps experiences) and moved on to bigger and better things.

Why do you think the universe is so darned big? Just for us to look at? No, God just gave himself plenty of space to work in. If he hadn't, he'd have to get rid of the Earth just to make space for new experiments. The universe is like God's GMail box. It's space keeps growing, and he doesn't have to delete anything, he just puts it in storage and never has to look at it again unless he wants to.

Which we presume he doesn't, of course. He already knew we were bad to begin with.

This is all just my way of saying, "I bought Spore recently, and I'm sorry Jatrak'a race: I'm starting a new game."

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