Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

« Not My JobCovery? »
Permalink 05/28/09 at 07:52:17 pm, by Ed, 108 words   English (US)
Categories: General

True story:

A peculiar thing happened to me this morning, friend. Just as I began to shower, only to find my shampoo empty, I saw a long hair stuck to the shower wall shaped like the Greek letter δ. δ, my friend. δ. This is the chemical symbol for dubnium, and in physics for density. It was a sign, I'm sure, for me to make gold by decreasing the density of dubnium
I have been working all day over these hellish flames.

My chopped hands have become poisoned.

They are black and bleeding.
Black as is my need, bleeding as is my heart.

The agony becomes intolerable.

I need a cupcake.

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