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Not My Job -
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Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed
« Ergonomic Keyboards are the crapStrindberg & Helium »

Not My Job

Permalink 06/01/09 at 06:48:45 am, by Ed, 221 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

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Between Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, and I, who do you think would be better-suited to fix a broken Apple? Keep that thought in your head.

I dreamed last night that I was back in school, and a presentation on Apples was being given, and a particularly interesting part about checking email was up, but not working. Steve Jobs was in the booth in the back of the room. They asked me, a random audience member, to fix the problem.

Now, I have a very specific and exact recollection of the UI, and it was exquisitely non-Apple in design.

There were buttons to generate a script to login to your email account after entering your information for Windows XP, ME, 98, but no Vista interestingly enough. I guess any buttons having to do with Windows were confoundingly useless, as we were, in fact, using a Mac.

But the whole time I was attempting to log in, Steve Jobs just sat there in the booth, watching the screen, doing nothing. I don't think he was dead, but if he does die in the near future, be aware that I also dreamed of YOUR death too! HAHAHAHA! You want some advice? Don't ride that elephant this weekend. In fact, you probably shouldn't even buy the International Space Station in the first place.

PermalinkPermalink
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1 comment »

1 comment

Comment from: tunebeach [Visitor] Email

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You are the ONLY person I know who dreams in such amazing clarity! You really must have too many connections in your brain! I hope they stop causing you problems, if they still do. (seizing the day, et al) But it's still pretty cool in some ways. I think you must have superpowers. What are they?
06/13/09 @ 20:09

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