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Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed
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Before I die

Permalink 07/23/09 at 07:00:33 am, by Ed, 301 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I just want to let everybody know a few things before I die. I plan on living forever, and so far, I'm doing great, but I'm talking about death in the metaphysical sense.

You see, I've graduated from all school, I've moved out of my parents' house, I've held down a steady 9 to 5 job for over a year, I take happy pills, I must soon be dead inside.

This is not to say that I wasn't dead inside before. My level of excitement never was very high in college either. That's when it's supposed to be up there, right? Partying and such? Well, now I do about the same amount of partying, less schoolwork unrelated to my career, and more programming... excuse me, "software development" every day. Frankly, I'd be fine calling it Riverdancing with an elephant, but it wouldn't fit in my signature, and I don't think other people would understand so much.

I digress. I thought the idea was that I'm supposed to die inside once I enter the workforce. My hopes and dreams should be smashed by now. Once I become the average Joe the Riverdancing Elephant Tamer, my life is supposed to take a subtle but definitive downward turn, until I find that drinking and doing drugs so immature and... wait, I've always... okay, bad example. Until I find that entertaining guests by watching the Sunday football game with mini weenies and drinks is fun... darnit, again! Well, at least during the Superbowl anyway. I've been a middle-aged person my whole life! Okay, until life itself seems blasé, every day is the same, day in, day out, and suddenly, one day, you realize you've been describing how I've already been acting for the past five years!

Darn it! Should have done more partying and drunkery in college.

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