Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed

Categories: General, Games, Programming, School, Work

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Permalink 05/22/10 at 01:06:42 am, by Ed, 48 words   English (US)
Categories: General

I was watching a video on YouTube that claimed to be part of a series called "Computer Science Unplugged". I've come up with my own version of what I thought it should look like:

Computer Science Unplugged.

False Hope

Permalink 04/19/10 at 09:09:41 pm, by Ed, 113 words   English (US)
Categories: General

I was just watching a commercial:

"I just looked at my phone bill. I realized I was paying too much"
"We looked at our bill, we were paying too much"
"We were paying waaay too much"
"It was just outrageous"
"We looked at all our bills, phone, cable, internet, it was just too much"
"That's why we switched"
"We just had to switch"
"I couldn't believe how much I was overpaying for what I was getting"

At this point, I was all like, Hey, WE pay Comcast way too much for our internet.

"That's why we switched to Comcast"
"We switched to Comcast"
"Comcast Business Class"
"Business Class"
"Comcast Business Class"

Well, shit.

Markov-Ed

Permalink 04/08/10 at 09:06:59 pm, by Ed, 246 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Programming

I have gathered a large sample of data of where I have been for the past 9 months, as determined by me or random people on the internet who wish to choose where I have been. In case you're wondering, that data is here.

Now that I have that data, I can do fun things with it. The first thing I've done is markov-ize the text. That is, I took the values, and put them into a markov text synthesizer.

A Markov Text Synthesizer can be used to make "real-looking" text out of a large base input. You put stuff in, other sentences come out that have a general flow of the input. That is, statistically speaking, if it sees word or phrase A appear before the word or phrase B often, then the output text is more likely to contain the compound phrase "A B". It makes for something that can kind of come close to generating random babble with correct sentence structure.

Here are some of my more interesting results:

  • Ed good good to work
  • Ed is aware of his computer
  • Ed is at his house in Truman
  • Ed is having a vest
  • Ed is going to his TV as a walk
  • Ed going for a batchelor party
  • Ed is going for a batchelor party
  • Ed is in the couch last night
  • what the apartment

However, my personal favorites are:

Ed is at his stalkers. They are at his computer
Ed is aware of jello

Time goes marching on

Permalink 03/23/10 at 06:40:35 am, by Ed, 343 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Whenever I think of something old that no longer exists, it pulls my heartstrings a bit. Things like the unexplored country, or when that old guy dies in Old Explorers, or Democracy.

But then, I think, "well, time goes on." Somebody who wants to hold on to something old, who wants time to stand still for as long as possible, first of all, doesn't understand time, because if it's standing still, there's no measure of "as long as possible". But second, they are yearning for something against the natural grain of the universe. Old things are always disappearing, and new things are always showing up. Everybody here will not survive, but the Earth will continue on for quite some time. Even civilization, for better or worse, will continue to march on. Those who own antique shops are the sort of people who want to hold on to the oldest time they can think of.

But 10,000 years from now, what's so great about the 1837? Nobody's gonna care any more. Even 50 years from now, everything that was lost or destroyed in the last year, nobody will be missing any more. Things are replaced, new buildings built, new presidents elected, et cetera.

But then I take it too far and thing, eventually, when the heat death of the universe comes about, everything will be lost. Then I get depressed again. Not because some old guy misses his friend the other old guy who died, but because nobody will miss anything any more. Or replace all the old crap with shiny new crap.

So what, indeed, is the point of it all? But then I stop, rewind, and go back to 10,000 years from now when people will very likely still exist, and that's about a good time to think about as the future. Like skin, where every cell is replaced every 35 days, every ideology, every object, every person, will be replaced 10,000 years from now.

And they'll be yearning for things past, enjoying the thought of the way it was back in 11034 AD. Ahh... the good ol' days.

Spring Cleaning '010

Permalink 03/20/10 at 06:48:31 pm, by Ed, 380 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Since it's the first day of Spring, I thought I'd better do the two things associated with Spring: Spring Cleaning and Balancing Eggs.

First of all, by Spring Cleaning, I mean I've got several things on my Desktop that I've been meaning to do something with on the blog, so here goes:

GPP Elevators
My workplace has elevators that are reminiscent of technology with the GPP feature, new from Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, as seen in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"GPP?" you say, "What's that?"

Well, it's Genuine People Personalities, installed in everything from robots to doors. Whenever the door opens for you, it is with a sigh of contentment, and when closed, it is with the satisfaction of a job well done. You could carry out conversations with them if you wish.

The elevators at my workplace seem to be mimicking elevator operators from the days when people were not expected to understand elevators. When you get on, a voice will say, "Floor one, going up". And at each floor it stops at, the voice will state, "Floor two, going up." "Floor three, going up." and on and on. The only thing left to fully integrate it with Something Hitchhikeresque would be to make a satisfied remark as people get off. Something like, "Floor Six. Thank you for riding me."

Except probably not that, because the woman's voice probably wouldn't convey the right message with that particular phrasing.

On to item two from my desktop, this image that reminds me of how useful I found my Computer Science Theory class to be:

And the third item on my desktop, an observation on Final Fantasy 10, the first voiced Final Fantasy game, but still let you pick out the main character's name. So they got around it with things like, "Oh, Wakka, he's great. And Rikku? She's awesome! Lulu too! And... you! you... you're just... you!"

When I think about it, it reminds me of something Robert De Niro once said:

And finally, egg balancing.

What, everybody balances eggs on the equinox. See, because it's easier on the equinox, when the spin is in balance and balances everything out.

Okay, so it's not actually easier, but you do it because it's Spring and because I said so.

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