Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


Categories: General, Games, Programming, School, Work

Pages: << 1 ... 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... 52 >>

Why women ramble

Permalink 03/19/10 at 04:03:43 pm, by Ed, 40 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Some women seem to like talking on and on in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one has a chance to interrupt, and I think I've discovered why:

They want to avoid their periods.

My Own Toy Story 3

Permalink 03/18/10 at 06:31:25 am, by Ed, 176 words   English (US)
Categories: General

My dad recently brought several boxes of my old stuffed animals and other things from his house to ours. Since he's remodeling, he needed to clear out pretty much the whole house.

One of the boxes, the one filled with stuffed animals, had a Woody doll from Toy Story near the top. Not the kind with a pull-string or anything, just an approximate facsimile. I commented that it's much like Toy Story 3, where the boy who owned Buzz Lightyear and Woody is going off to college and he has to get rid of all of his old toys so he packs them up in a box to send off.

Shortly after making that comment, I clarified with a statement that, if not quote-wall worthy, nothing is:

"I don't have a Buzz, but I've got a Woody".

You see, because while in Toy Story 3, he had both a Buzz Lightyear and a Woody, I only had the latter, making it not entirely the same. For some reason my family didn't seem to understand it as I did.

A natural mother goose

Permalink 03/15/10 at 05:21:23 pm, by Ed, 31 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Remember, remember, the Ides of March... how does your garden grow? With snips and snails and puppy dog tails, and this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.

User Feedback Is Always Nice

Permalink 03/12/10 at 02:22:40 pm, by Ed, 139 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Programming

We got a note from a user of Pocket Ants today. Allow me to share:

Your Pocket Ants app is disgusting. Why don't you educate kids instead of making them destructive monsters. All the deranged psychos in the world start out this way... ants, then squirrels, then dogs and cats, then finally moving on to people. I am no bible thumper, but this is such a stupid thing to do. Nice work.

Now, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like it, and that "Nice Work" at the end was, shall we say, sarcasm. Some coworkers, on the other hand, think the whole message except the last part is sarcasm, because that's what a user of Pocket Ants would do. What do you think? Is Pocket Ants too gruesome? Will it be the launching point for psychopathic killers 20 years from now?

What is a bazito?

Permalink 03/09/10 at 06:45:10 am, by Ed, 26 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Some of you may be wondering, what is a bazito anyway? Well, the closest I could find a picture of was it's hardcore brother the bazongo:

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