Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed

Category: Games

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Humanity: Give up now

Permalink 01/07/09 at 06:57:33 am, by Ed, 426 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Media

God, as I'm sure we all presume to know, created everything, yes? He created light. Good thing, too, because I hate it when I bump my shin in the middle of the night. Imagine doing that all the time!

He proceeded to create heaven, and earth, and gave it form. Then he cried to make every child feel terrible about whatever it is they're doing, and the oceans filled up. Seriously, God must have been the absolute worst baby. I mean who cries for forty days and forty nights straight?

Then He made scriggly little things to annoy you at your picnic. He created cows and jellyfish, and they pretty much went at it to make all the other animals.

After some figuring, he finally came up with an idea: Sentience. So he made man, who was immediately just as bad a baby as God was, and whined about being lonely, so, as the joke goes, he asked God for somebody who's loving, and caring, and gives him foot massages when it hurts. God replied, "Okay, but it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg."

"Ehh... What can I get for a rib?" was man's reply.

So now we have man and woman. At this point, being omniscient, God already knew it was not going to work out. He must have, because he stuck this giant tree like ten feet from Adam's front door, for everybody to see, and said, "Don't touch it."

Now why, being omniscient, would anybody give you temptation, and tell you not to resist temptation, knowing full well (being omniscient and all) that you could not?

Because he didn't like where it was going, that's why. It's just a rough draft. He learned from these mistakes (if you can call them mistakes. Perhaps experiences) and moved on to bigger and better things.

Why do you think the universe is so darned big? Just for us to look at? No, God just gave himself plenty of space to work in. If he hadn't, he'd have to get rid of the Earth just to make space for new experiments. The universe is like God's GMail box. It's space keeps growing, and he doesn't have to delete anything, he just puts it in storage and never has to look at it again unless he wants to.

Which we presume he doesn't, of course. He already knew we were bad to begin with.

This is all just my way of saying, "I bought Spore recently, and I'm sorry Jatrak'a race: I'm starting a new game."

Permalink 09/06/08 at 08:23:51 am, by Ed, 128 words   English (US)
Categories: Work, Games

So my first game has been released. It's right here. I've worked on other things, and even Girls Gone Mobile has long since gone out the door, but this is the first real game I've done by myself, and it's out the door!

It's nice that I've completed something and I can actually see it right there! My past programming jobs have never been so visible to me. People are buying this thing! Schweet!

Anyway, I've moved on to the next project, which isn't actually my own game, but it's adding multiplayer support to a game we have, which is quite a task.

Oh, and I've also got ZSNES working on my system, and it even has sound, too, so good news there. Time to play FF.

kthxbye

1D FTW

Permalink 08/23/08 at 08:53:22 am, by Ed, 246 words   English (US)
Categories: Work, Games, Media, Programming

I've been working on a game called "Sid Meier's Civ IV: War of Two Cities" at work for about a month and a half now. Essentially it's a 1-dimensional version of rock-paper-scissors (by itself a 0-Dimensional game, seeing as how you're not moving).

Essentially, you create either Infantry, Ranged, or Mobile units which then meet the enemy's similar units and "battle" in the middle. It's more interesting than that, but in its essence, it is rock-paper-scissor.

In this screenshot, you can see it looks very 2D, but don't let the hills fool you, it's very one-dimensional. You can't jump or anything. Your units can only travel in one direction: Towards the enemy. Here you see a blue Mobile unit (elephant) attacking coming to attack the player's city. Uh-oh, there aren't any defending units (except the wall, of course)!

Actually, looking at that screenshot, I see that it's inaccurate. Player units are blue, and enemy units are red. Strange that the elephant is blue and walking towards the player's city. It's an uprising! The peasants are revolting! Or, the elephants, or something.

Anyway, since I've been working on it for so long, it got me thinking about what other games could do with a dimensional change.

Just make sure you don't accidentally castle.

At least you can keep going.

But here's the kicker. I was thinking, "What about something like Hopscotch?" But oh, that already exists.

1D Hopscotch

Now, doesn't that just seem kinda lame?

Interviewery

Permalink 03/21/08 at 08:54:36 am, by Ed, 269 words   English (US)
Categories: Work, Games, Programming

So I went to an interview at Concrete Software on Wednesday. It's a small company, only six people. They basically make games for cellphones and blackberries. Not a bad option, let me tell you. I hope I do get that job. One of the things I had to do in the interview was change code based on previous code from a game they quickly explained to me. After trying out the game really quick, I realized it's basically Connect-4, except using a generalized approach of having to get a shape the game specifies instead of four blocks in a row, and you don't have to drop boxes. The shape I saw was:

*-*
-*-
--*

So you basically have to put your pieces in that shape on the board and make sure the computer doesn't. The first part of the test was really simple stuff like change the size of the board (change the value of two constants) and add a new tile type (Bonus type; simply add a new constant value).

The second part was much more interesting. A char[] was passed in, and the function had to reverse the order of the words in-place in the array. For example, "I am a duck" would become "duck a am I". It took a bit of thinking, but I eventually figured it out, and it was a rather interesting problem that I actually enjoyed solving. How weird is that?

In other news, I'm still engaged, and people should post comments on the wedding blog before Bridget becomes disinterested in it and all of my work becomes for naught.

Foremost expert on Aurabesh

Permalink 03/13/08 at 01:18:38 pm, by Ed, 352 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Media

So, I started playing Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds again recently, and, knowing Aurabesh, the Basic alphabet from Star Wars, I decided to decipher some text in the game.

Basically, before each scenario, a commander is outlining what you have to do, and it does this via audio and English text at the top of the screen. The rest of the screen is filled with an image pertaining to the previous battle or the next battle. This has diagrams, and lines pointing to things, and Aurabesh labels, which you're not supposed to be able to read.

But I can. Of course.

My Aurabesh, however, is a little rusty. I can't read it quite as fast as I can English. I have to read each letter separately and then parse it as a word. Unfortunately, each of these displays only shows up for a short time. I've tried viewing the pictures outside the game, but the pallet doesn't match, so that doesn't help. I've tried doing a screen capture (both with print screen and via a desktop recording program) but both of those end up with the wrong pallet too. So I had to resort to taking a picture of my computer screen with a digital camera and decipher it from there. It's a fun little game.

The first image here, as you can see, is very blurry. I don't have that good a camera. It came free with my printer.

So I had to overlay that with Aurabesh text, just to ensure I was getting the right characters. Here, you can see I've created textboxes that overlay the text in the image with a much cleaner edge to the font.

And finally, you can see the text translated back into English.

I don't know what a neirober is, but it must be vitally important to the Gungans. In any case, this process it so very tedious, it's annoying that I can't just view the images outside the game to see what they ALL say. There are about 2 per mission, 9 missions per civilization, and 8 civilizations. That's 144 screens of easter eggs I'm missing out on!

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