Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


Category: Games

Pages: << 1 2 3 4

Adult Only

Permalink 06/22/07 at 01:19:32 pm, by Ed, 308 words   English (US)
Categories: Games

Adult Only. Meaning: 18+.

It's only one year older than the Mature rating (17+, for those who find that math comes hard to them), and yet only 23 games in the history of the Entertainment Software Ratings Board have ever been rated AO, while approximately five million have been rated Mature (Actual number: 1073). Reasons for rating a game AO include (from esrb.org):

Prolonged scenes of intense graphic violence or sexual content and nudity.

Now, take a guess at how many of the games on the AO list are there for sexual content. Go ahead, guess.

It's 21. Out of the 23 games on the AO list, 21 of them have strong sexual content. That is to say, only 2 games ever made it onto the list without having sex in them. Just for the shear level of violence.

Compare that now to the number of games on the Mature list. Those containing either sex or violence is 1009 out of 1073. Out of 1009, 214 contain sex. Time to break out your 1337 Venn Diagram skillz to figure out that 795 are on the list for violence without sex. Sounds kinda the opposite of kinky. So, summing up our results:

Sex, w/ or w/out violence21214
Violence, w/out sex2795
Total, sex + violence231009
%violence, no sex8.7%78.8%

Don't get on my case about sigfigs, I could never figure that out. I'm probably right, now that I think about it. I could go as significant as I like, because I have an exact number.

Anyway, my point is this: The numbers almost directly reverse themselves between games suitable for 17-year-olds and older and games suitable for 18-year-olds and older. So what, exactly, happens in that one-year span that lets everybody get their mojo all rising up ons? I must have missed out on that, because here I am, still shooting the crap out of people, not having sex 78.8% of the time.

Find Fidel

Permalink 05/17/07 at 08:18:04 am, by Ed, 14 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Media

It's time to play Find Fidel! Can you Find Fidel Castro in these images?

Fidel Castro in a crowd 1
Fidel Castro in a crowd 2
Fidel Castro in a crowd 3

Speed Runs

Permalink 04/22/07 at 12:32:06 am, by Ed, 4 words   English (US)
Categories: Games, Media

I made this today.

Mario Level 1


Permalink 04/18/07 at 12:07:21 pm, by Ed, 119 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Games

A man is in a car crash. A nearby pedestrian helps the man out of his car. As soon as the pedestrian helps the man up, the man asks, "Do you help people who are in accidents a lot?"

"Yeah," says the pedestrian, "I'm an EMT. How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "as soon as you touched me, I just felt this particular ambulance about you."

If a brilliant person has a level of brilliance, why can't an ambulator have a level of ambulance? If a quiet man is surrounded by silence, can't a weary man be surrounded by sighence? If an atrocious man has flagrance, can somebody who's totally pwning in a video game have fragrance?

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