Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed

Categories: Media, Movies, Star Wars Photomasher, Twins

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Permalink 07/12/09 at 10:55:27 am, by Ed, 0 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Media, General

Gollum Lohan

Permalink 04/30/09 at 08:53:31 pm, by Ed, 54 words   English (US)
Categories: Media, Twins

I read today that a group of fans is ready to release The Hunt For Gollumn, a prequel to The Lord of the Rings trilogy. It looked pretty interesting from what I saw in the previews.

Now for a related game! Which of the following images are Gollum, and which ones are Lindsay Lohan?

Permalink 04/10/09 at 08:57:42 pm, by Ed, 322 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Media

This year marks the first year I will be spending Easter without parental intervention. In fact, there will be no intervention whatsoever, other than, perhaps, my cat Samus, who I wanted to call Cristoph, but it's a girl cat, so that wouldn't have worked out.

I'm alone in the apartment this weekend (except the aforementioned cat to keep me company), and while in the past Easter was always a time we ended up spending with my Grandma, since her birthday is right around this time of the year, this year my egg hunt will reside not in the community room on the first floor of an old folks apartment building, but rather one of two places. Either:

  1. I can hide eggs around the apartment Saturday night, getting totally smashed while doing so, then hunt for them on Sunday
  2. I can hide eggs in the source code for applications and games being soon released by my company, completely forget about them, then find them totally by accident when hitting random button

Neither option presents a great deal of difficulty without the necessity of completely forgetting where I hid them. I think that's the greatest issue with hiding things yourself. When you do it on purpose, you never, ever forget where you put them. But when you're looking for something you always just leave out in the open, so help me resurrected zombie Jesus, there's simply no hope of finding it, ever.

Speaking of which, I find this a particularly moving argument for Secular Humanism over Christianity:
Zombie Jesus
Christianity is the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you eat his flesh, drink his blood, and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Picture Words

Permalink 02/20/09 at 06:33:41 am, by Ed, 165 words   English (US)
Categories: Media

You know those things where it's a picture or words and you have to find a word or phrase in it? Like this one:

Get
It

It means "Get over it"

Here's one I concocted in the shower this morning (almost typed "Whore" instead of shower. Whoops!)

Okay, so first we've got some meth there. Pretty straight forward.

Next, we've got a guy who looks pretty mad about his half-colored "O". "Yeah, yeah", I say, "I'll get around to it". That is, "I'll color O"

Next, well, what do we have here. Looks like I'm a tailor. And I'm sewing... what? Well, Looks like Lee has been L'ing his AO, and now I have to sew it back on. That is, "I sew the ass o' Lee N on". Don't worry, I know somebody named Lee Norton. They exist.

So what do we have? Meth I'll Color O I Sew The Ass O' Lee N On. Of course! Methylchloroisothiazolinone! Should have seen it right away!

Kitten Cake

Permalink 01/09/09 at 06:44:02 am, by Ed, 192 words   English (US)
Categories: Media, Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I bet my dream was stranger than yours.

A large portion of it took place backstage in what can only be described as a pile of people. But that has nothing to do with the interesting part.

The interesting part starts in a bedroom, whose only distinguishing feature was a Victrola in the far right corner from the bed. Bridget and I were eating some Cat Cake (take a dead cat, build a cake on top with some fruit an' stuff, freeze until ready to eat). We had two boxes, one with the cat cake, and a smaller cake came in the other box on top.

We didn't eat the cake on top for aHwile, and instead went to bed. When we woke up, I saw a small caterpillar-like thing crawling around on the sheets. I shooed it away under the bed, at which time it grew into a small kitten. Apparently, the smaller cake had fetus-kittens in it. It thawed out because we had left it out, and the fetus-kittens escaped and suddenly, poof, now we have a kitty! Yay! I will love him and squeeze him and call him George.

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