Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


Category: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 >>

Sarah Palin can see my house from here

Permalink 11/01/10 at 06:50:17 am, by Ed, 114 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I wonder, does the category "Dreams of a phenytoin addict" still apply if I'm on Leveterasitam now? Whatever, it's still a weird dream.

A weird dream in which my eldest brother marries Sarah Palin and they have issue with a prenuptial agreement. I don't remember which one wanted to sign it and which one didn't. It seemed to switch sides, so at one time or another, they both wanted the other to sign it. Which would be less controversial than my dream seems to think.

Nothing against his real wife, I'm not saying she's Sarah Palin. She just didn't exist in this (extremely) far-flung universe where I would invite Sarah Palin over for dinner.

The advantages of staying up early

Permalink 08/12/10 at 03:43:44 am, by Ed, 537 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I don't know if my recent bout of waking up early is due to my new meds or if I was just sleeping later on my old meds, but suffice it to say, I woke up at 4:30 this morning with no intention of going back to sleep. This has been going on for awhile now (ever since I started my new medication), and I never used to wake up in the middle of the night, but I don't know if that's just normal for somebody my age in my circumstances and I just haven't noticed because I've been on sleep-inducing pills for the past few years, or if my new medication causes insomnia. It's not like I couldn't get to sleep, I just can't get back to sleep after waking up.

But a few good things came from waking up this early: First, I was able to sit in our new comfy chair, which I would never get a chance to do if Bridget were awake. The second thing is a bit more embarrassing and frankly stunning to me.

You see, over the course of the summer, when we wake up, we found that our driveway was always wet. We assumed that, since our sprinkler system isn't set to run automatically at all, it must be the dew or something, running off into our driveway. But we also noticed that our lawn is a lot greener and fuller this year than it was last year. Can you guess why? It's because every day, that's right, every single day since I turned the sprinkler system on, at 5:00 in the morning, our sprinkler system did in fact activate, watering our lawn every single day for the past few months, including the days when it was, in fact, raining at the same time.

Believe me, this is not something we set up. Last year, all of the automatic systems were turned completely off, but somehow by the time this summer rolled around, the schedule got set to run every day at 5:00 in the morning, when we'd never have a chance to catch it, and so we may never have realized it was happening except that I happened to look out the window with about 30 seconds left before it was done and noticed that it was running.

Now, there's a city ordinance stating that Thou Shalt Not Water Thy Lawn On Off Days Or At Certain Times Of Day. Off Days, for us, include odd-numbered days (i.e. every other day), and Certain Times Of Day include any time before 8:00 AM, between 11:00 AM and 5:00 PM, and after 9:00 PM.

So... whoops! But hey, at least the dead patch in our front lawn is gone. I suppose now that I've turned it off, the dead patch will come back. At least we won't have to mow the lawn so much any more.

The other reason I'm making this post is because the "Dreams of a phenytoin addict" category really doesn't apply any more, since I'm now on... veritaserum or something. Levetiracetam, actually, I think. Which doesn't induce strange dreams. Probably because I'm awake instead. Righting the wrongs of the evil-doers who disobey city ordinances willy-nilly. Which is mostly just me at this point.

I'm the doctor. Doctor who? Exactly.

Permalink 06/29/10 at 10:00:41 am, by Ed, 221 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

Lately I've been having several dreams similar in nature to those I have had in the past, with one difference: I'm now the Doctor.

"Doctor Who?" I hear you ask.

"Exactly," I respond.

The latest ranges all over. I start out at work, trying to get in on a pool to see who can solve the integrals fastest, but they won't give me the problems to solve. They just say they're on a certain page in the book, of which I don't have a copy.

I then begin looking for the book, and suddenly I am at college looking for this book. I've been here all along of course.

Finally, out of exasperation, I try looking at somebody else's work to see if I can copy the problem from them. It happens to be that I am now in my old high school, and it was the only person who I ever asked to prom who said no whose paper I am trying to get a glance at.

It is at this point that I realize that these integrals are way too complicated and I'd have no idea how to do them.

The fact that I am the Doctor doesn't even enter the conversation. I just am. You'd think I'd be able to do better math. But apparently... not, I guess.

MOA + Harry Potter

Permalink 02/04/10 at 06:47:49 am, by Ed, 69 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I've had a surprising number of dreams take place in the Mall of America. But it's not the Mall of America you know. It's the Mall of America that's haunted by Sorceress Edea, sectioned off, has a store specifically designed to scare autonomophobic people, has a raking/hoeing party every year, teaches networking classes, and has an incidental appearance by Draco Malfoy.

And it's the same mall, every time.

I'm acrobatic, apparently

Permalink 09/07/09 at 07:30:34 am, by Ed, 66 words   English (US)
Categories: School, Dreams of a phenytoin addict

I was in Duluth for the weekend. Didn't even go near the University, but darn-it-all if I didn't dream about the school again!

I don't remember much of the dream, but I think I decided to show up at vocal jazz as they were moving stuff from the rehearsal room into Weber Music Hall and help them move stuff by doing cartwheels and front hand springs.

1 2 3 4 5 >>