Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


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My favorite number

Permalink 01/20/10 at 07:25:45 am, by Ed, 100 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Do you know what today is? It's my favorite day of the year! It's my Unbirthday. Specifically, it is my 8361/10000 birthday today (not my half birthday, not my quarter birthday, my eight-thousand-three-hundred-sixty-one ten-thousandths birthday). Prime factorization of 8361 is 32 x 929. 8361 can be represented by the sum of two squares 602+692. The binary representation of 8361 is 10000010101001. But most of all, 8361 is the number when, divided by 10000, represents the fraction of a year that is the difference between my birthday and this day, today.

And that fact alone makes 8361 my favorite number. Today anyway. But tomorrow, well hoo-boy. Two-thousand-ninety-seven two-thousand-five-hundredths is making it's comeback!

Ice, On Ice!

Permalink 01/18/10 at 06:49:55 am, by Ed, 216 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Whenever I hear of a show being on ice, I think of three things:

  1. I'll need to bring my coat
  2. Couldn't they have just drank it plain?
  3. Oi

I mean, seriously, Romeo and Juliet on Ice? It's confusing enough without people pirouetting instead of swordfighting and suddenly Horatio is dead, and I'm thinking to myself, "How the hell did Horatio even get out of Denmark?"

Some things have a natural progression though. Once you've expanded your customer base to its greatest extent, you can continue to expand by putting it on ice. I know people would watch NASCAR a lot more often if it were on ice.

Then there's some things that already are on ice. I mean, putting the child's game Red Rover on ice, you just get every single community ice skating rink you've ever been to with everybody falling over more than moving around. Or you put the Ultimate Fighting Championship on ice and you get... well, I guess you just get hockey. The fighting's the only thing that makes hockey interesting anyway. Literally like 99% of the time the game ends up in a 0-0 tie, and they just have to go with whoever has less blood on the ice wins.

Hockey on ice, well, that's probably coming dangerously close to Brockian Ultra-Cricket.

A Movie Chronology

Permalink 01/09/10 at 02:39:20 pm, by Ed, 43 words   English (US)
Categories: Movies, Media

After coming back today from the movie theater, I looked in my pocket and ordered the stuff that I found chronologically. Hover over any item to find out what it is, or click on the table to see the full-size image (it's big).

FCC Sues Sun

Permalink 01/05/10 at 05:57:07 pm, by Ed, 282 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Did you know that the Federal Communications Commission is a government organization set up to monitor and administer transmission on electromagnetic frequencies? One of the main parts of their commission is to ensure that no interference is created between frequencies of EM radiation owned by differing entities. That is to say, make sure Channel 5 doesn't bleed over into Channels 4 and 6.

The FCC administers all frequencies. It is possible to own and use a frequency only if you purchase it, and the FCC, by law, owns all frequencies that it has not explicitly sold or auctioned to other entities. It is therefor illegal to use an 'unused' frequency for personal use without purchasing it from the FCC, and creating a device that creates EM radiation in a frequency that you don't own is illegal.

It is for this reason that the FCC has issued a summons to the Sun, for repeated offenses against part 15 of FCC regulations, often causing nationwide blackouts in radio, television, and other frequencies during its emotional moments while it is casting sunspots. The FCC's settlement requires the Sun to cease all EM transmission until such a time as the Sun is able to purchase the frequencies it uses most often (790-400 THz) and is able to requisition the proper authority to broadcast on frequencies belonging to other entities.

As such, it is expected that the Sun will cease transmission on the following frequencies within the next few days:

  1. 350 - 100 THz (Ultraviolet Light)
  2. 790 - 400 THz (Visible Light)
  3. 2000 - 1000 THz (Infrared Light)

For all those in the affected area, please locate a flashlight in case of emergency. Just know that turning it on is a federal offense punishable by a $5000 fine.

We're stuck

Permalink 12/25/09 at 07:43:12 am, by Ed, 201 words   English (US)
Categories: General

We're here in Iowa-bound Truman for Christmas day today. We were planning on showing up today for the Christmas celebration, but then we found out that the west coast was planning on snowblowing their driveways on Wednesday. My girlfriend/wife wanted to leave a couple days early because of that, so we ended here on Wednesday night.

At some point on Thursday we had worn out all of our other games, and we wanted to play something new. We had gotten a board game for my brother and sister-in-law, and they, surprisingly enough had gotten a board game for us. So we decided to open one gift each on Christmas eve so we could play a couple of games before bed time.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, brains all over are melding together, and we got each other the same board game. So we could only play one game. But it was Settlers of Catan, so it was a good and long game.

Then, this morning, I read this Dilbert comic. Somehow, it seems all too familiar.


It reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Marge's gift to Homer was a gift to Marge, because she knew he'd forget.

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