Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


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Time goes marching on

Permalink 03/23/10 at 06:40:35 am, by Ed, 343 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Whenever I think of something old that no longer exists, it pulls my heartstrings a bit. Things like the unexplored country, or when that old guy dies in Old Explorers, or Democracy.

But then, I think, "well, time goes on." Somebody who wants to hold on to something old, who wants time to stand still for as long as possible, first of all, doesn't understand time, because if it's standing still, there's no measure of "as long as possible". But second, they are yearning for something against the natural grain of the universe. Old things are always disappearing, and new things are always showing up. Everybody here will not survive, but the Earth will continue on for quite some time. Even civilization, for better or worse, will continue to march on. Those who own antique shops are the sort of people who want to hold on to the oldest time they can think of.

But 10,000 years from now, what's so great about the 1837? Nobody's gonna care any more. Even 50 years from now, everything that was lost or destroyed in the last year, nobody will be missing any more. Things are replaced, new buildings built, new presidents elected, et cetera.

But then I take it too far and thing, eventually, when the heat death of the universe comes about, everything will be lost. Then I get depressed again. Not because some old guy misses his friend the other old guy who died, but because nobody will miss anything any more. Or replace all the old crap with shiny new crap.

So what, indeed, is the point of it all? But then I stop, rewind, and go back to 10,000 years from now when people will very likely still exist, and that's about a good time to think about as the future. Like skin, where every cell is replaced every 35 days, every ideology, every object, every person, will be replaced 10,000 years from now.

And they'll be yearning for things past, enjoying the thought of the way it was back in 11034 AD. Ahh... the good ol' days.

Spring Cleaning '010

Permalink 03/20/10 at 06:48:31 pm, by Ed, 380 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Since it's the first day of Spring, I thought I'd better do the two things associated with Spring: Spring Cleaning and Balancing Eggs.

First of all, by Spring Cleaning, I mean I've got several things on my Desktop that I've been meaning to do something with on the blog, so here goes:

GPP Elevators
My workplace has elevators that are reminiscent of technology with the GPP feature, new from Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, as seen in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"GPP?" you say, "What's that?"

Well, it's Genuine People Personalities, installed in everything from robots to doors. Whenever the door opens for you, it is with a sigh of contentment, and when closed, it is with the satisfaction of a job well done. You could carry out conversations with them if you wish.

The elevators at my workplace seem to be mimicking elevator operators from the days when people were not expected to understand elevators. When you get on, a voice will say, "Floor one, going up". And at each floor it stops at, the voice will state, "Floor two, going up." "Floor three, going up." and on and on. The only thing left to fully integrate it with Something Hitchhikeresque would be to make a satisfied remark as people get off. Something like, "Floor Six. Thank you for riding me."

Except probably not that, because the woman's voice probably wouldn't convey the right message with that particular phrasing.

On to item two from my desktop, this image that reminds me of how useful I found my Computer Science Theory class to be:

And the third item on my desktop, an observation on Final Fantasy 10, the first voiced Final Fantasy game, but still let you pick out the main character's name. So they got around it with things like, "Oh, Wakka, he's great. And Rikku? She's awesome! Lulu too! And... you! you... you're just... you!"

When I think about it, it reminds me of something Robert De Niro once said:

And finally, egg balancing.

What, everybody balances eggs on the equinox. See, because it's easier on the equinox, when the spin is in balance and balances everything out.

Okay, so it's not actually easier, but you do it because it's Spring and because I said so.

Why women ramble

Permalink 03/19/10 at 04:03:43 pm, by Ed, 40 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Some women seem to like talking on and on in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one has a chance to interrupt, and I think I've discovered why:

They want to avoid their periods.

My Own Toy Story 3

Permalink 03/18/10 at 06:31:25 am, by Ed, 176 words   English (US)
Categories: General

My dad recently brought several boxes of my old stuffed animals and other things from his house to ours. Since he's remodeling, he needed to clear out pretty much the whole house.

One of the boxes, the one filled with stuffed animals, had a Woody doll from Toy Story near the top. Not the kind with a pull-string or anything, just an approximate facsimile. I commented that it's much like Toy Story 3, where the boy who owned Buzz Lightyear and Woody is going off to college and he has to get rid of all of his old toys so he packs them up in a box to send off.

Shortly after making that comment, I clarified with a statement that, if not quote-wall worthy, nothing is:

"I don't have a Buzz, but I've got a Woody".

You see, because while in Toy Story 3, he had both a Buzz Lightyear and a Woody, I only had the latter, making it not entirely the same. For some reason my family didn't seem to understand it as I did.

A natural mother goose

Permalink 03/15/10 at 05:21:23 pm, by Ed, 31 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Remember, remember, the Ides of March... how does your garden grow? With snips and snails and puppy dog tails, and this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.

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