Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed

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Whether you care or not

Permalink 11/11/09 at 07:08:57 am, by Ed, 105 words   English (US)
Categories: General

You know what I hate about the opera? It's not that it's terribly high squealing soprano vibrato in another language for three hours, it's... oh, wait, it is that. But what else it is is the reason you go.

Like opera or not, that's not why you go. You go because you are supposed to like it, regardless of whether you actually do.

It makes no sense to me: If you're watching something on TV, and you don't like it, you change the channel or shut off the TV, but you can plan months in advance to go see something they don't actually want to.

You'll get... some money!

Permalink 11/10/09 at 06:44:37 am, by Ed, 189 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Along with my electricity bill came this pamphlet titled, "Decisions Decisions". Somewhat of a vague description for a pamphlet, and my electric company has no business even thinking about 96% of the things that title could cover.

But when you got to the inside, it's specifically about energy efficiency improvements around the home. Specifically, ones they are willing to provide for the low, low price of blah, blah, blah.

But you I can Take Action! If I'm ready to make multiple improvements, I can Sign Up For The Home Performance With ENERGY STAR Program.

And do you know what I'll get if I complete five or more improvements (three required, and at least two optional)? Well, let me tell you:

Up to $640 or more in rebates!

That's right, up to, or more than, $640. Sorta covers the whole range, doesn't it? Really, what they're saying is:

$0 or more in rebates!

Which I will admit does not sound so enticing. But when I can get at most $640 or more, that doesn't really convince me that you're going to give me anything useful.

So, decisions, decisions. I think I'll take the "or more".

Inside Jokes

Permalink 10/30/09 at 09:46:33 pm, by Ed, 190 words   English (US)
Categories: Media

Whilst playing a Star Wars game from 2000, I saw some aurabesh text that I translated and couldn't help but post my results.

You may remember me doing this once before. I totally did. The process was mostly the same, except instead of having to use a camera to take a picture of the screen, I finally found a screen recorder that works wonders called Fraps. I was able to use that to record the intro to a level in Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds, take out some screenshots of the important bits, and translate it. Here's what I came up with.

One screen has two x-wings flying past, with the following text:

bob see any deer not yet
yeah this is more fun
than those
banthas
remember
year when
got that
buck with my
proton
torpedo

dfht yghd iut

Not sure about that last bit.

The next page, with more description about the next level had this to say:

kenekjbnv
rnekn 88

Not really helpful at this point. But there's more, and here's where I found what I had to share:

all your
base are
belong
to us

Serioiusly. Look for yourself:

Edology

Permalink 10/29/09 at 06:13:54 am, by Ed, 159 words   English (US)
Categories: General

The great thing about Latin is you can make up words based on real words so easily and they already have meanings:

Real word: Computation - Calculating a result
New word: Computology - The study of calculating a result

Affiliation - To be connected to (a person or corporation)
Affiliology - The study of connections between peoples and corporations

Asphyxiation - Being choked
Asphyxiology - The study of being choked

PlayStation - One of the first 3D gaming consoles
PlayStology - The study of one of the first 3D gaming consoles

Gas Station - A place to fill up your gas tank
Gas Stology - The study of places to fill up your tank

Mention - To state a fact or opinion
Menology - Do dooo do do do.
Menology - Do do do... do.
Menology - Do doooo do do do. Do do do. Do do do do do do... dooo do do... do.

Limbofemenist

Permalink 10/15/09 at 06:53:30 am, by Ed, 151 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Media

I am not a feminist, nor am I an anti-feminist. I fall in that annoying middle-ground where neither side likes me. I do not believe anything about women, I only know a few things. For example, women give birth to babies. Men do not have that capability.

There are also some other... anatomical differences in women. Sometimes, if the anatomical differences are rather large, they can be distracting to men. "How big?" you ask. Well, I usually go with the Double C rule:

Centaurs and Cyclopses.

I mean, imagine walking in to work one day, going over to the water cooler, only to find a cyclops guarding it. Wouldn't that be distracting to you?

There are other examples as well, of course. Namely, fins, tentacles, hunchbacks, gold bikinis, guns pointed at your face, and having huge fans that can slit your throat.

I will admit... not all of these are anatomical.

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