Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


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Harry Potter and the Three Hour Tour

Permalink 07/16/09 at 09:33:50 pm, by Ed, 9 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Movies

Just saw Harry Potter. Ron dies in the end.

Stream Ed

Permalink 07/15/09 at 06:51:06 am, by Ed, 44 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Media


Since my mom was able to get streaming video to work, I thought I should be able to as well. Ergo, I present my live* video stream

* - Delayed by however long your buffer takes to fill up. For me it's about 10 seconds.

Facebook Quiz

Permalink 07/13/09 at 07:48:41 pm, by Ed, 683 words   English (US)
Categories: General

Found this quiz on Facebook, thought I should respond

About Yourself
1.Have you ever been born?
I'm a clone, you insensitive clod!

2.Do you listen to music?
I'm deaf, you insensitive clod!

3.Did you speak when you said the last thing that you spoke?
I'm mute, you insensitive clod!

4.Do you have a body?
I'm noncorporeal, you insensitive clod!

5.Is there something next to you?
I'm a strong believer in René Descartes.

6.Do your parents have names?
I'm an orphan, you insensitive clod!

7.Do you have any hobbies?
I enjoy collecting stamps!

8.When you wake up in the morning, do you open your eyes?
My eyes were sacrificed in the name of the Guu-Ki god Xlyp, you insensitive clod!

9.Have you ever had a feeling?
I'm very sensitive, you insensitive clod!

10.After you take a shower, do you dry off?
My mother was a puddle of water, you insensitive clod!

11.Are you breathing right now?
I require an iron lung, you insensitive clod!

12.Do you have a computer?
SEveral, actually.

13.If you have any brothers or sisters, are they human? If not, are you an only child?
My siblings are cogenitors, you insensitive clod!

14.Do you have any pets? Are they animals?
My pet rock says you're an insensitive clod!

15.Are you afraid of your biggest fear?
Umm... Damn. Yes.

16.When you were in a school, did you take a math class?
I flunked kindergarten, you insensitive clod.

17.In your classroom, was there a teacher?
See above

18.Did you ever use a pencil?
My hamster died eating my pencil shavings, you insensitive clod!

19.Was your school inside of a building?
I went to SPACE school! YAY!

20.Did you go to school on weekdays?
The Uxmali calendar has no sense of a week, you insensitive clod!

21.Were there any books at your school?
I can't read, you insensitive clod!

22.Does your school have a principal?
My father was a principal, you insensit...err...

23.Was there a day at school when it was sunny outside?
My species is dwells in subterranean caves, you insensitive clod!

24.On Christmas, was your school closed?
We're Jewish, you insensitive clod!

25.Did you have to take any tests?
I flunked before we got to the first test, you insensitive clod!

26.Were you graded on assignments?
I flunked before the first assignment, you insensitive clod!

27.Did you like your favorite subject?
It's opposite day, you insensitive clod!

28.On your first day of school ever, did you know anyone?
I flunked before the first day, you insensitive clod!

29.Did you ever talk to your best friend?
My best friend is also mute, deaf, and blind, you insensitive clod.

30.When you ate lunch, did you have food?
Due to strong allergies, I've been on a diet of only water, you insensitive clod!

Random Stuff
31.When was the last time you read question 31 on this survey?
I can't read, remember!?

32.To get to this survey, did you have to use your mouse?
I'm a strong supporter of keyboard-only navigation.

33.Is your computer running on electricity?
Steam, actually

34.Can you see anything from where you're sitting?
I'm blind, you insensitive clod!

35.Are there other people within 500 square miles of you?
I'm the only survivor of a gigantic nuclear blast, you insensitive clod!

36.After you're done sitting, will you move?
Noncorporeal, remember?!

37.Try spinning to the right and to the left at the same time. Can you do it?
Noncorporeal, remember?

38.Do you get wet when you take a shower?
Remember the thing about my mother? You insensitive clod!

39.Do you hear voices coming from your phone?
My phone broke, you insensitive clod!

40.If you had $100, could you buy something?
I'm $100 in debt, you insensitive clod!

41.Were you alive yesterday?
I was cloned just today, you insensitive clod

42.What number comes after 42?
Douglas Adams states that the answer is 42.

43.Did you guess 43 for the last question?
Do you question the mathematical skills of Douglas Adams, you insensitive clod?

44.What do you do when you're thirsty?
My thirst is ALWAYS quenched! ...you insensitive clod!

45.Was this not the hottest quiz on facebook?
Totally! You insensitive clod!

Permalink 07/12/09 at 10:55:27 am, by Ed, 0 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Media, General
Permalink 07/04/09 at 07:35:14 am, by Ed, 108 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

After much (dreamy) thought, I have come up with a much better way to play Magic: The Gathering. Take everybody's cards, shuffle them all up, and deal each player 7 cards, just like poker. Everybody draws from the same library. It makes playing with a sliver deck much more interesting.

I also came up with a couple of new cards:

Lode Stone: Neutralize any one scented bomb.

Master Lode Stone: Choose one scent. Tap to neutralize a similarly scented bomb. Tap to change the scent of the Master Lode Stone. You may only play this ability once.

Now we just have to come up with scented bombs, I guess.

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