Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


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Permalink 06/20/09 at 07:43:45 am, by Ed, 124 words   English (US)
Categories: Programming

And I'm talking about a real shockwave, not some crappy Flash knockoff from the 90's. I was originally using sin, cos, arctan, pow, AND sqrt, but this is totally more efficient.

for (int i = 0; i < d.Length; ++i) {
    PointF p = d[i];
    float dx = p.X - src.X;
    float dy = p.Y - src.Y;
    float distSquared = dx * dx + dy * dy;
    float mySpeed = speed / distSquared;
    p.X += dx * mySpeed;
    p.Y += dy * mySpeed;
    d[i] = p;

I just cooked that up this morning. The version in my game Ant Hill still uses all those things I mentioned. I'll probably change that around on Monday. I hope nobody steals it and claims it as their own. Frankly, it's not that complicated, I would think.

Ergonomic Keyboards are the crap

Permalink 06/13/09 at 08:51:21 am, by Ed, 73 words   English (US)
Categories: Work, Programming

I had my performance review yesterday. I got me a raise.

In other news, I've added some level of accountability to the website. Whenever my location is updated (anybody can do it! Just click on the first item in the sidebar on the left, just above "Main"), it's logged to a file, including the IP address, time, and the value it was changed to. It's good to keep records on file like this.

Not My Job

Permalink 06/01/09 at 06:48:45 am, by Ed, 221 words   English (US)
Categories: Dreams of a phenytoin addict

Between Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, and I, who do you think would be better-suited to fix a broken Apple? Keep that thought in your head.

I dreamed last night that I was back in school, and a presentation on Apples was being given, and a particularly interesting part about checking email was up, but not working. Steve Jobs was in the booth in the back of the room. They asked me, a random audience member, to fix the problem.

Now, I have a very specific and exact recollection of the UI, and it was exquisitely non-Apple in design.

There were buttons to generate a script to login to your email account after entering your information for Windows XP, ME, 98, but no Vista interestingly enough. I guess any buttons having to do with Windows were confoundingly useless, as we were, in fact, using a Mac.

But the whole time I was attempting to log in, Steve Jobs just sat there in the booth, watching the screen, doing nothing. I don't think he was dead, but if he does die in the near future, be aware that I also dreamed of YOUR death too! HAHAHAHA! You want some advice? Don't ride that elephant this weekend. In fact, you probably shouldn't even buy the International Space Station in the first place.

Permalink 05/28/09 at 07:52:17 pm, by Ed, 108 words   English (US)
Categories: General

True story:

A peculiar thing happened to me this morning, friend. Just as I began to shower, only to find my shampoo empty, I saw a long hair stuck to the shower wall shaped like the Greek letter δ. δ, my friend. δ. This is the chemical symbol for dubnium, and in physics for density. It was a sign, I'm sure, for me to make gold by decreasing the density of dubnium
I have been working all day over these hellish flames.

My chopped hands have become poisoned.

They are black and bleeding.
Black as is my need, bleeding as is my heart.

The agony becomes intolerable.

I need a cupcake.


Permalink 05/27/09 at 07:21:59 am, by Ed, 81 words   English (US)
Categories: General

If you look at the root of many words, you will find an interesting surprise. Just today, I found that the root of Discover is Dis-cover, that is to say, un-cover. Which specifically entails that for something to be discovered, it had to be covered up first. Oooh! Government Conspiracy!

That also brings up the question, what's the point of having the word undiscovered? Why not just... covered? To which I might answer: Antidisestablishmentarianism. (Left as an exercise for the reader)

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