Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you

Ed

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Fluent in over 20 forms of communication

Permalink 06/08/07 at 11:12:26 pm, by Ed, 131 words   English (US)
Categories: General, Movies

When you're fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, people begin to wonder how many of these forms are useful to anybody, and how many were a made-up language from the mind of a deranged three-year-old involving only bopping each other on the head and farting. At least, I know I wonder that all the time.

Anyway, Here is a list of languages in which I can get by (Bold is fluent). Take the previous paragraph into account when assessing whether you would call them "forms of communication" as well as "languages".

English
Pig Latin
Fake Eskimo
Omian
German
Spanish
Visual Basic
VBScript
Visual Basic.NET
QBasic
Javascript
Java
ASP.NET
PHP
MySQL
MSSQL
CSS
HTML
Hindi*
C++
C++.NET
C#.NET
InstallScript
Ti-83 +
Batch Script
SPIM Assembly

* - Not really

Shaving

Permalink 06/08/07 at 05:59:15 am, by Ed, 110 words   English (US)
Categories: General

I forgot to post about it yesterday, so I'll do it now, before I forget. Yesterday, I threw away my first ever bottle of after shave. It's one I got maybe five or six years ago. Finally thew it away yesterday.

No, I didn't keep it around for nostalgic reasons, and no, I didn't buy a "bulk-sized" container. I just didn't use it that often, and you don't have to use very much at a time.

It wasn't completely empty, but there wasn't enough left to easily get it out of the bottle, and I figured I've thrown away things worth more than about $0.000025 before. So there you have it.

Conscious dreaming

Permalink 06/05/07 at 07:10:48 pm, by Ed, 179 words   English (US)
Categories: General

In reference to the previous post, there was one very important point that I forgot to mention.

While I was dreaming, I eventually became conscious of my dreaming. I was aware that I was dreaming, except I had no sensory input. I was aware of the fact that I was laying in bed, but I was also dreaming, and had no feeling of where I knew my hands were. I was experiencing the dream, as though I were imagining it, only I had no conscious control over what I was doing. My subconscious was directly communicating with me at that point, showing me my dream. A very strange experience.

Unfortunately, this confirms that I cannot consciously control my dreams, as I have often tried to do. I have, in the past, asked myself, "Am I dreaming?" whenever I thought of it, so that if I ever happened to be dreaming at the time, I would realize this, and could do things I would never do in real life. How unfortunate that I cannot. An interesting thing to experience, nonetheless.

So much for early-to-bed

Permalink 06/05/07 at 05:37:24 am, by Ed, 95 words   English (US)
Categories: General

It's back to a midnight-madness bedtime for me. I went to bed "early" last night. Earlier than usual. You know what happened? I woke up at 2:00, 3:15, and 5:20. I usually wake up around 6:00 and get out of bed at 6:30, but this time, I didn't wake up until 7:13. I leave for work at 7:15 every day. Every.

And that's not the strangest thing. I had about 15 different dreams last night. I can count them all. That's more than I've had over the entire past year. No, really. 15.

This "getting more sleep" thing is just not for me, apparently.

School's Out! Again!

Permalink 06/04/07 at 06:43:51 am, by Ed, 364 words   English (US)
Categories: School

Yaaay! School's out! Wait, didn't I just do this? Oh, yeah, silly high-schoolers and their wait-until-June attitude. You know where that leaves you? About two weeks behind the rest of us! Hah! Take that!

"Take what, Ed? So we got out of school two weeks after you. That's hardly our fault, and besides, who cares?"

Ummm... uhh... suck it! You're... dumb. Stupid! Go away! Hah!

"Now you're just making yourself sound bad. What a forced, poorly-executed comeback. You really need to work on your language skills."

Yeah? Well, you're being pleonastic about it.

"Oh, come on. You learn one word and you can't get over it. Yeah, great, so you know what pleonasm means. Get over yourself. You don't have to use it every single day in every way possible. You're like a little child who just learned a new word and wants to show off. For goodness sake, can't you be a little mature? You're a college student!"

...Doody-pants!

"Oh, for the love of god. I give up."

Hah! I win! I win by forfeit!

"Win? Were we playing a game? You can only win when competing, and I wasn't aware of any true competition going on. I obviously sensed a certain level of animosity directed at me, likely due to your need for a bit of one-upmanship on somebody younger than you, but that can only end badly for both of us. I would suggest that either you actually come up to my level so we might talk as equals, or we stop having this conversation right now."

...wow. That quickly took a turn for the worse. This reminds me of Intertron Drama. Except it's just one person, so no feelings are hurt.

"Did you just say 'Intertron'?"

Yeah. Intertron Drama. ID. It's a word I wish I made up. Actually, I'm not sure if I did or not. I may have.

"Uhuh. Well, I've run out of scathing remarks to say, so I guess I'd better stop talking before I talk myself down to your level. OH! BURN!--"

--Way to be hypocritical--

"--OH, I SO GOT YOU! HAH!" *abscondabscondabscond*

Did he seriously just abscond? Seriously? What... the heck...was that?

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