Oh, I got hot sause all over my bazito!

You know what this is? It's a brain sucker. You know what it's doing? Filing its tax return

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent apple pie

The Adventures of Little Ed Brave

Tell airport security your name is McCannister because you can hide anything in a cannister.

You know what? Nobody notices when this changes anyway.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and STFU

What happens in a black hole stays in a black hole

The black hole draws you inexorably inward. Time slows. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

I'd diddle little umdidlie... if she weren't my half-sister.

Abortion prevents pedophilia. In more ways than one!
Get Firefox!
I wrote a haiku

which I was about to share,

but then I thought, "screw it."
Level 1

Notice to all users of the Holodeck:

There are safety protocols in place that cannot be deactivated without the approval of two commanding officers or the captain to protect users of the Holodeck from potential harm. However, every time the Holodeck is ever used in a nontrivial manner, no matter what the safety protocols say, the Holodeck turns into a deathtrap.

Unless you believe yourself to be adept at constructing a forcefield from your communicator and 19th century Earth tools, or you're at the very least not wearing a red shirt, you are strongly advised not to attempt to use the Holodeck until a designer comes up with a safety protocol that doesn't kill you whenever somebody looks at it funny. Even when you're not on the holodeck. Or in the same quadrant. Or time period.

In fact, if you are wearing a red shirt, Starfleet may not be the job for you


What Have I Done?

(Things in blue are things that I have a full record of somewhere (i.e. a video or CD) and you can see them if you ask)

  • Jobs (Yes, I've actually done work in my life)
  • Planet Source Code Superior Coding Contest Winner
  • Plays (I've been in / worked on, not just seen)
    • Dear Finder (College; Set Construction)
    • 8th Annual UMD Vocal Jazz Cabaret Show (Sound design / technician)
    • Bus Stop (College; Set Construction)
    • A Flea in Her Ear (College; Set Construction)
    • A Streetcar Named Desire (College; Costume construction)
    • 7th Annual UMD Vocal Jazz Cabaret Show (Sound design / technician)
    • Life is a Dream (College; Costume construction)
    • Handing Down the Names (College; Costume construction)
    • The Singular Life of Albert Nobbs (College; Lighting load-in crew)
    • Crazy For You (College; Lighting load-in crew)
    • 6th Annual UMD Vocal Jazz Cabaret show (Sound design / technician)
    • Kiss Me Kate (College; Wireless Mic wrangler)
    • Showboat, 50th year (Chorus; La Gents and Boom Boom; Minor Solo) - (News Story; I'm not in the story)
    • 5th Annual UMD Vocal Jazz Cabaret show (Sound design / technician)
    • Sweeny Todd (College; Lighting load-in crew)
    • String (College; World Premiere; Lighting load-in crew)
    • Prometheus Bound (College; Lighting load-in crew)
    • Showboat, 49th year (Chorus) - (News Story; I'm not in it again)
    • Working (Asst. Director / Sound Technician) - (News Story)
    • The Cards of Fate (Booth Voice, Larry Kowslowski, and Otto)
    • Going To School (Fantasy Father)
      • 2nd Place at Sub-regions
      • Something like last place at Regions
    • 10th annual Madrigal Dinner (King)
    • Our Town ("Stage Manager" Narrator)
    • How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (Lighting Design)
    • Cut (H)
    • 9th annual Madrigal Dinner (King)
    • Story Theatre (Various Roles)
    • Music Man (Lighting Design)
    • A Doll's House (Nills Krogstad)
    • 8th annual Madrigal Dinner (Monk)
    • Arsenic And Old Lace (Jonathan Brewster)
    • Brigadoon (Harry Beaton) - (News Story)
    • Guys and Dolls (Video Editor)
    • Matchmaker (Sound Technician)
    • A Christmas Carol (Lighting Technician)
    • The Wizard of Oz (Winkie)
  • Movies (I've produced or am working on, not seen)
    • Bad Continuity (Working Title) - We've got an idea for it anyway
    • The Weird Anthology - First section recorded; two more needed; Probably not gonna finish soon
    • Really Bad Day (Full Movie)
      • Bearded Child Film Festival "best local film" award
      • Frozen Yeti Film Festival 1st Place Plot-Based Film
    • Slightly Too Short - pre production; script kinda written
    • Essence of Film (Full Movie)
      • Entered in Bearded Child Film Festival; No awards
      • Frozen Yeti Film Festival 2nd place Narrative film (combined with Mostly Silent Movie)
    • (I don't know the name of this one. It's about time) - screwed it
    • Mostly Silent Movie (Full Movie)
      • Bearded Child Film Festival "best local film" award
      • Frozen Yeti Film Festival - 2nd Place Narrative film (combined with Essence of Film)
    • The Bowler
  • Speech (Murder One) - Finished
    • Walker - First place in Dramatic Duo
    • Grand Rapids - First Place in Dramatic Duo
    • National Forensics League Regionals - Made finals in Dramatic Duo (wow!)
    • Some place I forget the name of - Second Place in Dramatic Due
  • Choir (Three Years A Cappella; Latter two years also Jazz) - Finished
    • Performed at MMEA 2003; We got a standing ovation after performing When David Heard! - (When David Heard)
    • Traveled to Chicago in 2004; Met some guy whose name eludes me
    • Recorded CD in 2004 at Weber Music Hall - (Tres Cantos Nativos Dos Indios Krao)
    • Traveled to New York in 2005; Selected as the one Jazz Choir to sing in Lincoln Center for some Gold Company thing; Met Steve Zegree
    • Recorded CD in 2005 at a church in the cities somewhere - (Come Sweet Death )
  • My Gollum Impression
  • My Java Applets
  • Web pages (I've created / helped create, not viewed)